Admitted to the Hospital by Extraterrestrials: Covid-19

 Ξ BLOG:  category: Ξ PARODY 

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 NOTE: Ξ Article of BLOG: may contain images of my work as a means of entertainment. be sensible in these Parodies of Creativity and the Art of Stupidity. 

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Dear friends, I'm fine. I am alive and, rest assured, I swear that I will continue to pay my debts. I was hospitalized for 5 days at the Fernando Fonseca hospital – Amadora Sintra with symptoms of cough and high fever. I have been in isolation, suspected of Coronavirus infection. After being kidnapped, arrested, “raped”, tortured and, after 2 negative tests for covid-19, I left isolation and, then, I was entitled to a doctor and a “load” of more detailed exams. After many “syringes” of stolen blood for analysis, they detected a lung infection there and diagnosed me with pneumonia. I say, Mrs. pneumonia because the infection was already advanced and hence, considered an exquisite pneumonia. In fact, in the diagnosis it was written: “community pneumonia”. By name, I don't know whether to feel sympathetic or revolt against her. But this story is unusual and humorous. 

Funny pictures to reassure the family:

PS *The photos were taken with the responsibility to respect the neighboring patients; everyone's privacy and does not portray the hospital environment.

Naturally, the family and close ones were doubly worried: about my hospitalization and the risk of contracting the covid-19 virus. To calm the “dramatisms” I gave wings to creativity, taking funny pictures to portray the points of my situation, and to appease the family concern. Do not think that my condition was light, or that I lived in an atmosphere of enjoyment… I confess that I had my share of suffering, patience and concern for my health. For those who know me more closely, here's the message: “No my friends, I have not been in the psych ward. Not this one yet!”. But consider me crazy enough to find a bit of positivism in a bleak environment. A little resilience in the midst of chaos, for me, for my family and close ones.

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The unusual story of 24 health and online medical consultation:

Since whiskey did not prove to be an infallible medicine and, as I don't like pomace, I had to look for other healing measures. Unusual things happened, such as calling Health 24 for several days in a row. One day, I was on the phone for 6 hours and still got no concrete answers or advice on how to proceed. Turn to health insurance. I asked for an online appointment with a doctor to avoid going to the ER. I had already foreseen that it would be a pulmonary infection and would need antibiotics and, even at the request, the doctor did not want to prescribe anything other than benuron for the fever and Milid for the sputum. I understand that the antibiotic and the coronavirus are not “compatible” but the doctor didn’t want to risk it, nor did she advise me to go get tested for the coronavirus. – “Stay at home isolated”. said the doctor. It even seemed like a good idea to be isolated from my wife for a while, but the next day, after two weeks of agony, I “took my legs” and went to the Amadora Sintra hospital emergency room.

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Panic in the Urgency – Abducted by Aliens:

I was given a green bracelet that matched my outfit. I was examined by a doctor who looked more like an alien, all plastic from head to toe. He asked me some questions, measured my blood pressure and fever. Nothing serious was approaching until the moment when the doctor said: “- Look, there are few people here (there were 3 people) so go do an x-ray.” A few minutes after leaving the X-ray, a team of 4 nurses, or 4 doctors, or 4 extraterrestrials appears in the waiting room (you can't tell them apart because they are all wrapped in blue plastic). One of them shouted my name in a loud voice, thick and authoritative like a policeman when he shouts to the criminal: “Halt! Hands in the air"!. – "I?!"- I replied a little flustered...
They shoved me into a room. All in an uproar. While everyone was talking at the same time: they stuck cotton buds up my nose, cotton buds down my throat, they took blood syringes from me, they asked me questions without me having time to answer, while one of them explained the procedure: “Don't touch anything. The coat stays in this bag. You will be hospitalized. Is anyone with you? Keep your hands on your knees. Open your mouth. Are you short of breath? How many people are in the family? You will have to be in isolation. Don't touch anything. Close your hand tightly to insert the catheter. You cannot receive visitors. Have you been abroad? Have you had contact with someone infected? Keep your hands on your Knees. Don't touch anything.” . – "Damn!! I can't touch anything?! just today that I intended to pilfer a dozen masks to sell at a good price outside!”– I thought! They wrapped me in a sheet, literally. They sat me in a wheelchair and took me at a leisurely pace through the labyrinth of corridors. The wheelchair swerved around the curves and I felt the wind in my face: – “For God's sake, I'm either at a rally, or I took a taxi from the restauradores or the girl is taking the opportunity to go jogging”. She continually shouted the underhanded code: “Please let Nuno pass, floor 5! Let Nuno pass, floor 5.”. I never felt so imposing, sitting in a wheelchair that looked more like an inem chair where the girl played the human siren! – “Please let Nuno pass, floor 5! Let Nuno pass, floor 5.”. The nurses leaned against the walls if they weren't close to a door to take refuge in a room. The beds of the sick entered the rooms inside for me to pass. They locked me in a room with a bed. And not a single peep was heard...
Conclusion: Apart from the fun part of the rally-taxi-inem in the wheelbarrow with a fever of 40ºC, I confess that, I was kidnapped by aliens. I was “raped” in the hollows of my face, interrogated without the right to a defense, tortured and kidnapped without scruples by masked men, whose sect I cannot identify, because they were a group of organized professionals who only saw their eyes. Their bodies were wrapped in a long blue covering. Possibly they were avatars. Extraterrestrial avatars. Blue extraterrestrial avatars, possibly FC supporters. from Porto.

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Isolation and the sick of Covid 19:

They locked me in a room. I could see that they had placed a cart full of pharmaceutical material outside the door. Naturally, I didn't look the best: unshaven, poorly groomed, with a scruffy face. And probably, the trolley leaning against the door would be so he wouldn't run away through the corridors… all naked. This would be embarrassing and even dangerous for the stability of the hospital: sometimes they would be scared by my nakedness and it would be total panic; or they would fall in love with my nakedness and be like a rock singer running away from his fans.
Fever, cough, sweats… I wiped in a circle, the glass of the window that was whitened by the disinfectant. I could see the landscape and the windows of others, some of the patients' rooms, the doctors' and nurses' lounge. I was barely examined during the 2 days of isolation and had little contact with the nurses. After 2 negative covid 19 tests, they transported me to the pneumonology intensive care unit. And it was here, while waiting in the corridor to be transported, that we could see the reality of the situation of those infected with the Coronavirus. You can't imagine the view from that endless corridor full of rooms: the effort of health workers in the face of the breathing effort of patients. Patients with their stomachs down, sometimes with their stomachs up, on oxygen, on assisted ventilation… It is a frightening sight. Do not belittle the message of the media. Respect the quarantine measures. Be responsible. Stay home. 

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Intensive Care and the Horrific Reality:

In intensive care, the vision was infernal and morbid. I stayed in a 4-bed room at the end of the corridor, a little away from the others. There, one is aware that 1 to 2 people would probably be saved in that room. Some vomit, others moan, others can't breathe and I have severe coughing attacks... The nurses, still equipped from head to toe, dress and undress successively. A nurse faints from the heat caused by the equipment.
The nights were unbearable. There are people who suffer from loud moans. Others fight for life in silence. In the corridors, constant sounds of nurses can be heard. Code names are heard. You can hear the floor shaking from the rush of nurses with devices on wheels that frantically slide. You can hear the clinking of oxygen bottles as a man quietly piles them up in the hallway. I counted 44. 

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I was discharged and discharged – lost my pants:

On the fourth day I was transported to general medicine. A reassuring environment. Compared to what I saw on the 5th floor, the atmosphere was typical of a summer camp… come on, a retirement home in a summer camp. I was lucky to make friends with the sick Rui Quintas. A warrior who has won several health battles. We share likes and dislikes. It was wonderful to be able to take a decent shower and brush my teeth with a sponge. Yes, a sponge on the tip of a cotton swab. It's as good an experience as brushing your teeth with a comb! Finally, there would be the end of food without salt and the end of the usual daily meal accompanied by liquid mashed potatoes.
The doctor discharged me and the nurse took my pants off. "We couldn't find your pants!" - she said. “No problem, I'll leave anyway”! I said. It was lunch time and I just wanted to get out of there. There he got me a uniform. The only one available. The doctor's. Blue. I thought: “Take the medical course in 5 days beats the record of Relvas and Socrates!”. They showed me the way out and I came by myself. I found the security guard at the front door who immediately opened the door for me saying: “Good afternoon, Mr. Doctor". Then I retorted – “Thank you. Good afternoon!" And I breathed a breath of fresh air like a prisoner breathes when he leaves prison! FREEDOM !! 

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Current situation:

I rarely get sick. But when I do, I'm really KO'd. I'm slowly recovering. Worried about the danger of the coronavirus that stalks my momentary vulnerability. Thanks to everyone who sent me messages of strength and courage. And to all, good luck.
Stay at home, for yourself and others.

A hug for all health professionals.

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Thank you for sharing

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